As I looked in the mirror today I saw my gray hair and was grateful that I have a hair appointment on Monday to cover it up. It got me thinking about vanity again and being told that I'm vain. What does that really mean? I go to the gym to work out and see people there with fabulous bodies and beautiful skin and hair. Are they vain? Then it got me thinking about why I go to the gym. Yeah, it's to shrink my body size, so, does that mean I'm vain? I know it will help me to be healthier too but as I think about that I don't think it fits into my personal equation for why I go to the gym. Frankly, I don't want to live any longer than I really have to. This is where the above picture comes in. In my religion we believe that we will live for "time and all eternity". To some that sounds great but for me I think it sounds like hell. I think this life is enough. I've also heard the phrase "endure till the end". If there is no end then are we just enduring?? Also, it is a belief that after we pass on we'll still have our personal trials to deal with. So, why then would I want to exist for eternity. I don't. I suppose I'm just thinking about life and my part in it. I don't know what my purpose is. I do want to see my sons grow up and marry and have great lives. Perhaps that's what I'm here for. I don't know. For me life has become a thing of endurance. Get through today so you can get through tomorrow. I have a really great life so I don't know why I feel this way. It's likely that I'm so overwhelmed with a lack of self-confidence that I know nothing else than to endure.
